Delicious Gakuin
by Haku Kitsune
Summary: Atobe, Fuji, and Kintaroh are kidnapped and forced to particpate in random cooking contests and join a cooking school/tv show. Based on the drama of the same name.
1. Course 1: The Kidnappings

**_Course 1: The Kidnapping_**

Atobe was sitting near a fountain admiring himself in a mirror, while at same time managing to act Atobe-ish… In a white fur coat?! Why he had the audacity to wear a fur coat in the middle of the summer was beyond anyone's understanding.

"Ah, this is the best!" Atobe said as he whipped out a self-made statue of himself.

He looked towards where his usual crowd of fangirls was standing, but instead of them he saw Hiyoshi and Takashi.

"Ore-sama demands to know-!" Atobe started, but before he could finish Hiyoshi had gagged him and Taka-san was tying his legs together so he couldn't run away. Or kick anyone while being transported.

"Sorry Atobe-san, I've got orders from Couch to take you to him immediately. Kawamura-kun, if you'd please." Hiyoshi said politely. In his head he muttered 'Gekokujyou!' just for the heck of it.

"Ah, s-sorry Atobe-kun." Kawamura replied nervously. Hiyoshi sighed and gave Taka-san his racket.

"Oh, thanks… YOSH! BURNING! Let's go!" Taka-san said as he picked up Atobe and prepared to start running.

"Um… Our ride is that way, Kawamura-kun." Hiyoshi said as he sweat dropped.

"Oh… I knew that…" Taka-san muttered. Hiyoshi patted Taka-san on the head and mumbled something about Gekokujyou and how he was a better cook than Oshitari.

Meanwhile, somewhere that wasn't really anywhere, err… Somewhere else in Tokyo, Fuji, Ryoma, and Momo were having an eating contest. At least Ryoma and Momo were. Fuji had eaten a couple of burgers and finished with a nice refreshing bowl of wasabi ice cream. 

Fuji left to wash his hand, but when he came back all the customers in the restaurant were gone! They were replaced by Kikumaru, who seemed to have an evil aura around him. Kikumaru popped a piece of Anago in his mouth, and turned towards Fuji.

"Ni hao?" he asked cheerfully.

"Oh? Saa Eiji, happy birthday! And what happened to all the other…" Fuji trailed off as he felt the presence of two people behind him.

"Sorry for the bother, Fuji-senpai. Could you please come with us?" Ryoma asked.

"Oi Echizen, use more force! Being polite to the victim never solved anything! Never does." Momo sighed playfully.

"Che, it's your funeral. Fuji-senpai, we won't have to gag you unless you start talk too much, which is abnormal for you. Kikumaru-senpai, we should leave before someone thinks we're actually kidnapping Fuji-senpai." Ryoma said as he magically appeared behind Fuji with some rope, which he used to tied Fuji up.

"Huh?" Fuji said with an utterly confused and surprised expression on his face.

Not to far way from there, Kintaroh was outside a story after purchasing some onigiri.

"Yay! After losing to Koshibawa, I thought I'd never get any onigiri again…" He said before devouring one of the onigiri.

"Ehem, you're coming with us!" A voice said sharply.

Kintaroh turned around and saw a tall guy with a black cap in his hand. He was wearing a blue kendo uniform and had his other hand on his sword, and it didn't look wooden. To his left were a tall person with silver hair and a mischievous grin on his face, a demonic looking guy with messy hair, and a guy who seem like a nice person.

"Sanada-kun, don't go scaring the kid. We want him to follow us, not run away screaming about an insane person with a sword trying to kidnap him…" Yagyuu commented.

"Heh. Yagyuu, have you seen his expression? He's already scared of us. Oi, your name's Kintaroh, right? Don't even think of running away because the little kiddo over there loves chasing people, puri." Niou said.

"Niou-senpai, I'm not a kid anymore, and I don't like chasing anything, except when I play tennis." Kirihara growled.

"Heh puri, whatever you say kiddo." Niou said with a shrug.

"Niou-kun, don't provoke Akaya. It's bad for your health as well as the health of the other people that have to put up with him afterwards." Yagyuu sighed.

"Can we get on with this? Kintaroh, come on." Shiraishi said as he played with the bandages on his arm.

"H-hai, bucho!" Kintaroh said. He eyed the bandages warily. He still believed his bucho had a poisonous arm that could kill him. Niou laughed and Sanada glared at the group as they go into the nearby limo.

**_Derrrrrrrrrrrricious!! Hah, food is good!_**

After Atobe and Kintaroh regained consciousness, they found they were stuck in the same room with Fuji. He hadn't woken up yet.

"Ugh, where are we? And who are you…?" Kintaroh groaned. His stomach growled loudly. "And what time is it? I'm hungry… Come on you people untie me!"

"Ore-sama demands you to SHUT UP!" Atobe shouted.

Fuji woke with a start and then glared grumpily at the source of the noise… Well he tried to, but he couldn't because he was tied to a chair that was conveniently positioned so that he could only see the door to his left and the large window to his right.

"Both of you shut up, especially you Kintaroh! We're all tied up so we'll have to work together to get out of these stupid ropes." Fuji said grumpily. Sleepy Fuji was as grumpy as Kyoya today.

Half an hour later, Fuji was much less sleepy and they had finally gotten themselves untied. Unfortunately all their bickering made them even hungrier.

"Now we have to breakout… It's convenient that this window is so large. Hmm, now if I could just open it…" Fuji thought as he shuffled over to the large window. He attempted to open it, but it didn't budge. "I knew it. I'm too tired from hunger." Fuji sighed.

As he moved away from the window, Atobe examined it. Kintaroh picked up his chair and attempted to break the window, but his strength and height caused he chair to swerve towards Atobe's face.

"Keep that chair away from Ore-sama's face!" Atobe shouted as he caught the chair.

"Oi you two stop playing and let's go. The doors opened." Fuji said as he tipped toed out of the room.

"Why are we-?" Kintaroh started, but Fuji grabbed him and shoved him into a wall and whispered angrily for him to be quieter. He mentioned something about Kintaroh's untimely death if they were caught again. Then they were off again; in search of food, water, whatever was reasonable to eat.

They snuck around the area for about fifteen minutes and in the process, Fuji found a silver spoon, which he washed in a nearby sink.

"Saa, what a nice spoon. I think I'll call you Gin. Let's be friends." Fuji whispered cheerfully.

Suddenly, Kintaroh perked up and sniffed the air.

"What's up with him?" Atobe asked Fuji, but Fuji wasn't paying any attention to them.

"I smell food!" Kintaroh whispered loudly before running off.

"O-oi! Kintaroh, slow down!" Atobe said as rushed after the freshman. Fuji looked up from the book he'd found lying on a nearby chair and easily caught up with Kintaroh.

Luckily, Kintaroh was 'speed' zigzagging towards the food, which meant he was only 50 or so meters ahead of the other kidnappees(1). Fuji realized this and slowed down, while Atobe barreled past him and ran into a wall.

"Atobe, you're an idiot!" Fuji laughed.

Kintaroh smacked a fist into the palm of his hand and said, "Ah! So his name's Atobe."

"That's right, Kintaroh. The idiot that ran into the wall up head is Atobe." Fuji said as he patted Kintaroh's shoulder.

Atobe slide down the wall. Then he turned around, glowering at Fuji. He yelled at Fuji about how he could have warned him before he ran into the wall. Fuji merely chuckled and told Kintaroh to lead the way once again. Kintaroh, being the clueless happy-go-lucky person he was, did so without question. Atobe glared at Fuji, but followed because he felt his stomach grow emptier with every passing second and he feared he would soon passed out from hunger.

Scooby Doo music played in the background while the group power walked down the long corridors of the building. They occasionally stopped to open a door and check the contents of the room. This ensued for about five minutes. Then Fuji stopped them and asked why there was Scooby Doo music in the background and wondered it was coming from.

"It's obviously there to be distracting and to make us feel like we're part of a movie or TV show of some sort." Atobe sighed.

Kintaroh whispered loudly about how it would be extremely cool to be on a TV show about cooking. Atobe commented about the stupidity of the statement, but little did he know, the group _was_ in a building that had video equipment and taught cooking.

Finally, after a total of about an hour of walking in circles, Kintaroh stopped in front of a set of double doors. Fuji glanced behind then and nearly did a face plant.

"We're only a few doors down from that room we were tied up in." Fuji commented dully.

"WHAT?! You mean this peasant has been leading us around in a big circle for the past hour?!" Atobe shouted

"Now, now Atobe… There's no need to yell. And no, he's lead us around in about seven circles. I counted." Fuji said calmly. He was clearly enjoying Atobe's rage.

"That's even worse! If I ever get something to eat, I'll thank that kid with a whack on the head!" Atobe shouted.

Fuji glared at Atobe with his 'just shut up and open the stupid door' glare. Atobe took a few deep breaths and roughly shoved the double doors wide open. They walked in a instantly stopped to stare at all the colors.

"This place looks like a TV show set. Looks like you were right, Kintaroh. Hmm… Iron Chief maybe? No, that can't be it. There are way too many colors." Fuji muttered.

Atobe shouted in English, "Look! FOOD!"

Towards the back of the room were three long tables covered with different kinds of foods. Kintaroh spotted a plate with onigiri and rushed over. Fuji watched and Atobe and Kintaroh ran to the tables and started commenting on how he wasn't that hungry, but his stomach growled loudly. He sighed and walked over to the table.

"Oi, you can't eat that!" A voice shouted.

The group whipped around - Fuji turned around normally because he still hadn't reached the table – and saw Tezuka standing nearby along with Sanada who had a wooden sword in one hand, while his other hand was prepared to draw his real sword.

"Oh? Since when did you cook Tezuka?" Fuji said cheerfully.

"Mada mada dane. Fuji-senpai, that's Niou-senpai. By the way, nice spoon. From the looks of it, it's made of silver." Ryoma muttered. He once again had magically appeared behind Fuji.

"Puri! Aw Echizen, you ruined my awesome disguise! My Tezuka impression is to be feared! I sounded just like him, right? Oi Hiroshi, let's play tag!" Niou said playfully.

"That's Yagyuu to you _Niou-san_." Yagyuu said pointedly as he used his glare of DOOM on Niou. He walked over to Sanada and stood there looking all gentleman-ish.

Niou-kun, err… Niou stalked over towards Ryoma and grumbled, "The glare of DOOM is _mine_. And Tezuka's. Fuji has one too, but it's called 'the Tensai glare of demonic chaos.' Sanada has his backhand slap of DOOM and forehand slap of destruction. Yagyuu's supposed to use his 'Gentleman glare,' but nooooooo… He goes and steals my signature glare of DOOM. It's my glare, dammit!"

"Niou-senpai, if you're going to rant please go rant with Mukahi-san." Ryoma stated grumpily. Niou gave him the glare of DOOM, but Ryoma was immune and he countered with his special glare with no name.

Kikumaru sighed dejectedly and muttered, "How come no one said anything about my birthday? Fuji said 'happy birthday,' but that's it. Everyone else forgot! Even Oishi, and he's my doubles partner!"

"Eh? Oh yeah… Happy birthday Kikumaru-senpai. I'll give you your present in a few hours…" Kaidoh muttered.

"Che, what's with all the ranting today? Sorry Kikumaru-senpai, but we were going to give you a s-" Ryoma started, but Momo stopped him from saying it.

"Nya? What was that?" Kikumaru asked.

"A surprise ice cream cone, we were going to give a surprise ice cream cone." Ryoma said.

"'We'?"

"Niou-senpai, Gingles, and I because Niou-senpai still owes me from that bet." Ryoma said with a mischievous grin.

"W-what?! Why bring Gingles into this? He has nothing to do with that bet!" Niou argued.

"Aww… Come on, Niou-senpai! It'll be fun! I'll help, too." Kirihara grinned as well.

Niou backed away from the two hesitantly as their grins too a turn for the worst and became almost demonic (almost because Ryoma doesn't have a demonic grin). He tried to run away, but a few minutes after he exited the room everyone could hear him yelling for Ryoma and Kirihara to give his shoes back.

Oshitari appeared along with all the other kidnappers, Ryuzaki-sensei, and Sakaki-sensei.

"You might wan to leave him alone. Niou-kun is a little grumpy today." Yagyuu told him. Oshitari thanked him. Then, he whipped out a bottle of green tea and started drinking it. The kidnappees glared at him as if he'd just killed someone because they were _hungry_.

"Ok guys, please stop having glaring contests and put away the distractions so that I only have to tell the kidnappee group his once." Ryuzaki yelled. The kidnapper group complied quickly because they smart enough to do so without question.

"Alright, now you guys are unofficially our hostages. "For what" you ask? I have no idea! In order to get some of the delicious looking food behind us, you must prepare a dish for our judges. All the other 'kidnappers' must leave the room in fifteen minutes."

Meanwhile somewhere reasonable far away, Tezuka's shoelaces broke when he was trying to tie them. He sighed and wondered the rest of the team was doing that could possibly have given him bad luck.

In yet another place, Yuuta attempted call home when he realized his couldn't get any reception from this part of town. As he walked around looking for a place where he could get a signal a flock of crows flew above his head. He wondered aloud about what his older brother could possibly be doing.

Back at the school/TV station/kitchen/whatever the room is, Ryuzaki had asked for who would participate in the cooking to eat competition. Kintaroh refused, but Fuji and Atobe instantly agreed. Sakaki grabbed a frying pan and handed it to Atobe. And the two walked over to the counter and began their cooking… sort of.

Atobe gingerly placed a fish into a frying pan and backed away fearfully as it hissed angrily. Fuji, on the other hand, had an egg in on hand and Gin in the other and was contemplating what he should make.

"Excuse me. I need some water." Atobe muttered as he reached over Fuji to grab a cup of water. Somehow he bumped Fuji's hand, causing Gin to land in the pan with the burning fish and the egg to crashing the ground.

"No! Gin, look out!" Fuji said as he watched in land in the pan in slow motion.

Fuji stared at his spoon, which by now was a tarnished brown from the fish. Then he slowly turned around and opened his eyes while growling, "Y-O-U!"

Atobe backed away from him with the cup of water forgotten. Fuji grabbed a knife from the table and slowly advanced towards Atobe, while using his 'Tensai glare of demonic chaos.'

In panic, Atobe tried reasoning with Fuji.

"Let's be reasonable, Fuji. P-put that knife own and we can talk about this." He stuttered weakly. It obviously didn't work.

Just when it looked like Fuji was about to stab Atobe, a voice shouted, "That's enough!"

**_破滅のロンド Rondo Towards Destruction! Hah!_**

Hahaha… This is the product of my boredom while watching a random yet extremely amusing TV drama involving cooking and Tenimyu actors: Aiba Hiroki (2nd - 3rd cast Fuji Syuusuke), (first cast Kikumaru), and Kawai Ryounosuke(Hiyoshi). I hope you guys found this funny.

(1) Incase you didn't know, kidnappee is a made up word which pretty much means a person who was/is/has been kidnapped. Duh!


	2. Course 2: You've been accepted!

**Course 2: You've been accepted!**

"Tarundarou!" The voice shouted. All eyes glanced back and forth between Fuji with his knife in hand to Sanada with his sword in hand.

Fuji turned his gaze towards Sanada and continued to glare in his general direction. Sanada glared back relentlessly. The glaring contest continued for a full minute without blinking, and there was an unusual tension in the air. The kind of tension that made the air feel heavy, as if there are lives on the line and the victor of the contest would decide their fate.

Of course, Fuji lost because he was so hungry that he fell over just as the suspense was increasing. Ryoma, who had reentered the room just as Fuji had dropped Gin, chuckled a little.

"Ah, he died." Niou stated flatly as he reentered the room, even though it was completely obvious that Fuji was alive. Yagyuu retrieved Fuji's knife, while Ryoma put out the burning fish and rescued Gin from 'his' otherwise gruesome fate.

"Why is Fuji-senpai so attached to this spoon?" Ryoma wondered a loud. This started a random conversation about pets which eventually lead to Niou restating that he had a pet weasel named Gingles (1) and Yagyuu muttering something about having a pet fish forced upon him by a certain tensai.

Eventually, which in this case means right after the group got some water in a bucket, Fuji woke up and glared at everyone in the room. Why? He was hungry, tired, _and_ sopping wet! And Gin was missing.

"Oi Niou-senpai, give me that!" Ryoma growled as he swiped a familiar spoon from Niou's clutches. "Here's your pet spoon." He sighed as he tossed Fuji the spoon. It looked as good as new, not that Fuji had any idea what it would look like if it was new seeing as he found it on a book shelf…

"Ehem! Distractions aside, I forgot to mention who your judges would be. I'm terrible sorry." Sakaki announced.

"Let's see… The judges will be Kikumaru, Sanada, Hiyoshi, and this person." Ryuzaki said cheerfully as she gestured towards the door. Nanjiroh Echizen walked in. He was shaved, in a French looking tuxedo type thing, and seemed to be carrying a conductor.

"EH?! Oyaji, what are _you _doing here in that French tux?" Ryoma shouted.

"That's not nice. I wanted to stay home a play with Karupin, but they mentioned free food so… By the way, look who dropped by looking for ya!" Nanjiroh teased.

"Who the heck are you talking…?! Ryoga, what the heck are you doing in Japan?" Ryoma shouted.

"_Yo Seigaku, how's it going? And why's he wet?_" Ryoga said cheerfully in English as he pointed towards Fuji.

Kirihara glanced to Yagyuu for a translation, and Yagyuu, being the gentleman and all, complied.

"_Looks like you guys are having fun cooking? To answer your question, Chibisuke, I'm here to learn how to cook. Duh._" Ryoga commented playfully.

"Huh?" The kidnappees asked.

"Fshhhhhhhhhhhh… You guys didn't know? You're at a cooking school. I thought it was obvious…" Kaidoh muttered.

"Enough! You guys better get cooking because Fuji-kun looks like he'll kill for some food." Shiraishi sighed.

Atobe sweat-dropped and quickly made another burnt fish dish. Meanwhile, the members that weren't judges returned to their rooms. After all, there was nothing else to see except those guys terrible attempts at cooking. Or so they believed.

Nanjiroh eyed the dish suspiciously as he and the other judges took pieces of the fish and attempted to ingest them.

"Hmm… This dish is… How would you say it? Terrible! This is a disgrace to delicious-ness! You suck!" Nanjiroh shouted. Behind him Kikumaru clutched his throat dramatically making it seem like he was choking, Sanada made a face, and Hiyoshi gagged. They all angrily held up signs that read "This sucks!" with large frowns.

Atobe stared at them with a scared expression as Fuji went to collect his ingredients. He messed around with different ingredients and eventually concocted three interesting looking sauces which he poured on separate pieces of bread with a bowl of soup. Where'd the soup come from?

The judges tried the food and Nanjiroh turned to Fuji. "This was Derrrricious! Wonderful job! You've earned yourself some food."

Behind Nanjiroh, Kikumaru grinned, Sanada nodded approvingly, and Hiyoshi gave the group a thumbs-up. They held up signs that read 'That was tasty! You're pretty good at this.'

Fuji cheered and attacked an apple almost right away. Kintaroh… I bet you guys almost forgot about him. Anyway, Kintaroh watched Fuji with an upset expression. _He got food!_ _When do I get some…?_ Kintaroh thought grumpily.

Atobe, inspired by Fuji's dish (not that he ate any), decided that he would use his awesome scissor skills to create an amazing dish and set to work cutting away at some of the fruits available. Eventually he made a really fancy mountain shaped fruit platter.

Nanjiroh tried and piece while the others munched away. "This is…"

Atobe backed away and hid behind Fuji, who glared at him and cursed Yagyuu for not giving his knife back.

"This is Derrrrrrricious! Well not really, but you get some food anyway! Congratulations, but mada mada dane!" Nanjiroh said cheerfully. Kikumaru grinned less enthusiastically, while Hiyoshi and Sanada nodded in agreement with Nanjiroh. They held up signs that read 'Nice try. Hope ya do better next time.' Where do they get these?

In his room, Ryoma's 'stolen line' senses caused him to sneeze. He glared at the wall angrily, but that wasn't satisfying so he stood up and shook his fist at the ceiling while he yelled, "Curse you, whoever you are! You stole my line! It's copyrighted!"

Yagyuu looked up from his book and glared, while Momo stopped mid-bite of his bowl of ice cream. Niou jumped a little, which caused Gingles to bite him. Kirihara messed up while playing his favorite game, Shadow the Hedgehog.

"Echizen-kun, you're line isn't copyrighted yet." Yagyuu stated flatly.

Niou grumbled about Gingles needing better training and set to work teaching Gingles not to bite people unless someone said, "DOOM." Kirihara growled a little, but was sympathetic because everyone constantly stole his lines, to the point where he'd make up a catch phrase and it would be stolen. By Niou or Marui.

"Echizen, don't do that! You almost made me knock over my ice cream! What else are you guys planning for Kikumaru-senpai's birthday?" Momo said. His question was rejected by the rest of his roommates and he was shoved into the hall to make it seem like they were planning something.

Once back in the room, everyone took turns bothering Ryoma, except for Yagyuu. He made Ryoma run twenty laps around the school. Ryoma got back fifteen minutes later and sat on a chair and was sipping a can of Ponta, when…

"Doom!" Niou muttered causing Gingles to attack Ryoma's shoe with a burst of fury.

"Niou-senpai, what are you trying to prove?" Ryoma sighed. His shoe had a bite mark on it. Niou chuckled evilly and the group went back to whatever they were doing.

Back with the kidnapees, Kintaroh twitched as Atobe devoured a banana. Kikumaru, Sanada, Hiyoshi, and Nanjiroh walked over and started eating too, which was kinda funny because they were supposed to be the teachers in a way… This caused Kintaroh to stare at the food, which in turn made him hungrier. He pulled out his stress ball and started squeezing it. Amusingly enough, the stress ball had a little meter on it which slowly turned green.

Nanjiroh picked up a piece of bread and proceeded to make a sandwich faster than you could say 'ice cream.' Fuji cheered, took the sandwich, tore it in half, tossed Atobe the other half, and started eating the sandwich, which caused Kintaroh to squeeze his stress ball faster. The meter on the ball turned red and something seemed to start beeping. Kintaroh continued squishing (smashing/pulverizing) his stress ball until finally the meter turned dark red and he snapped.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I can't take it any more!" Kintaroh screamed and he grabbed the pan that he was carrying on his back. There was a lightning flash and flames shot up around Kintaroh, much like what happens when Taka-san goes into Burning mode, only Kintaroh's eyes seemed to glow red during the power up sequence. What happened to his racket? Ask him…

Anyway, he rushed over to the table with such a fury that everyone jumped back. Hiyoshi even pointed a banana at him as if it was a gun. Somehow Fuji had gotten his knife back and was holding it nervously in front of him.

Kintaroh ignored them and grabbed a nice fresh piece of meat and a head of cabbage before rushing over to the cooking area.

He tore the skin off the meat as if it was paper and chopped it into uneven slices and tossed them into his pan with a little oil. Then he attacked the cabbage with the knife, cutting it into bite sized pieces before also tossing that into his pan as well.

"Wow. Who would have thought he was so passionate about this sort of thing?" Atobe asked as everyone left in the room watched in fear and/or amazement.

"Is he human?" Fuji said nervously.

"I don't think I'm doing this fast enough! Come on!" Kintaroh yelled as he added a pinch of salt and some soy sauce. When you're cooking, almost every dish needs salt or else it won't taste right!

After getting over their initial shock Nanjiroh and the other judges walked over to their judging table and waited patiently for Kintaroh to finish cooking his dish. Their plan to get Kintaroh to cook something had worked.

"Here! Can I get some food yet?" Kintaroh said as he set his dish in front of the judges. They didn't reply, but instead Nanjiroh and the judges tried some of the stir-fried cabbage and beef. We'll just say the meat was beef even though I personally think it could've been pork.

"Hmm… _Hmm_…!!" Nanjiroh glanced up from the dish with a sharp jerk; it almost looked like someone had poked him.

"This dish is…… Delicious." Nanjiroh said. As he said delicious sparkles and such appeared around him, scarring Atobe for life because Nanjiroh doesn't look good in a French tux with sparkles around him. He looks like an insane gay person, not that we know what one of those looks like.

Behind the said sparkly gay-looking person, Sanada looked surprised and actually gave Kintaroh a thumbs-up, Hiyoshi smiled a little, and Kikumaru grinned his 'I love the world!' grin. They held up signs that read, 'FOOOOOD!'

"What the - ?" Atobe said. Fuji turned away and laughed uncontrollably.

The judges glanced around in embarrassment and put those signs away. They took out the correct signs and help them up. These read, 'An almost perfect dish! You sure you're not a pro?'

Kintaroh beamed, then rushed over to the table and devoured the onigiri.

"He's really good at cooking. Why do you think they sent Kintaroh here?" Hiyoshi whispered to Nanjiroh, Kikumaru, and Sanada.

"Who knows? Maybe they want him to be a better cook." Kikumaru muttered.

"Why don't you cook something, Kintaroh-kun?" Sanada asked.

"Because I'm _hungry_ and I'd probably pass out before I finished making the onigiri. Besides, there's some right here!" Kintaroh stated in before devouring more onigiri.

After they'd eaten a reasonable amount of food, the kidnappees were dragged to another room and forced onto chairs.

"Now that you've eaten you're fill, for the moment, we need you to pay attention for just a few more minutes. Then I'll leave and you guys can celebrate Kikumaru's birthday. By the way, you've been accepted!" Nanjiroh said.

Kikumaru wheeled a cabinet in front the kidnappees, and opened it with karate stomach-level punch, while Nanjiroh pulled the cloth off a box-looking ting to reveal a golden cow head plaque with glowing red eyes.

_**Puri, can **__**下克上 **__**(Gekokujyou) be applied in cooking? Maa… Gekokujyou!!!!**_

Yay for Niou's birthday! Hiyoshi's birthday is today! YAY!

The _italicized _speech means the person is speaking in English from now on, ok? That way I don't have to put 'in English' every time… I wonder what would happen if I actually tried to make these dishes…

(1) Gingles is pronounced like jingles except with a 'g' instead of a 'j'.


	3. Course 3: Whack the frog!

**Course 3: Whack the frog?!**

Nanjiroh pulled the cloth off a box-looking thing to reveal a golden cow head plaque with glowing red eyes.

"Bwahahahahahahaha! What kind of statue is that?!" Atobe yelled as he fell over laughing.

Fuji and Kintaroh stared at him as if he were crazy and scooted their chair away from him. Niou magically appeared behind Atobe with Gingles on his shoulder.

He muttered, "Doom." And Gingles attacked Atobe's hand because it was closest. Atobe screamed and ran around in circles shouting at Niou about pests and vermin that bite, rabid bunnies, and the removal of Gingles from his hand.

Niou wasn't listening though. He, Fuji, Kikumaru, Kintaroh, and Nanjiroh were all laughing hysterically at Atobe's expense. Ryoga walked in, stopped to stare at everyone in the room, and also started laughing.

Eventually, Gingles was taken off of Atobe's hand, Niou, Gingles, and Ryoga were shooed away, and Atobe's fingers got some purple band-aids. That didn't stop the 'teachers' and other kidnappees from laughing some more.

"Ahahaha… Ok, where were we?" Nanjiroh asked.

"Are you people satisfied yet?" A voice growled. The kidnappees jumped and looked around, trying to find the source of the voice.

"I'll take that as a yes. I am you're principal, though I won't reveal my name. You guys are in the wonder full school known as 'Delicious Gakuin.' Since you need to call me something I guess you can call me Toru. Kikumaru-kun if you could play the video?" The bull head plaque growled.

"Nya, hai, koucho," Kikumaru replied and he pushed the play button on the remote that he had in his hand. You know… the one we failed to mention and that everyone in the room didn't notice?

In the video, Nanjiroh (in his French tuxedo) cooked a lobster faster than logically possible making seem like he finish his boiled lobster dish with a wave of his conductor. Sanada chopped a fish faster than humanly possible, and then Taka-san turned the chopped fish into sushi. Kikumaru had fun using karate techniques and acrobatic moves while cooking, while Hiyoshi used his awesome Enbu tennis… Err…a combination of roses, Enbu, and knife/scissor wielding to make very expensive looking dishes.

For some reason, the kidnappees found this all too much, and started laughing again. Kikumaru was glad they found it so amusing, but the other 'teachers' found this offensive and glared at their new students angrily.

"What are you laughing at?" Hiyoshi whispered irritably to Sanada and Nanjiroh.

"Perhaps we should just let them enjoy life here?" Sanada whispered back seeing as he wasn't _that_ offended.

"Hey, who do you guys think was the funniest?" Kikumaru asked them cheerfully.

"I don't know… Sanada was actually pretty cool. I have to say, Hiyoshi was hilarious. How do you use martial arts, roses, knives, _and_ scissors all in the making of one dish? Or better yet, _why_ that's a lot of time consumption right there," Fuji chuckled.

Atobe and Kintaroh stared at Fuji and glanced at each other. In unison, they said, "Sanada."

Kikumaru coughed and excused himself from the room. He had to move the TV back to where it belonged.

"Now that you have once again regained your composure, I think it'd be as good a time as any to dismiss you. You're all dismissed. I expect you three to do well in this school," the bull head rumbled. The red glowy eyes stopped glowing and the room fell silent.

"Well I'll be leaving now. You guys have fun with that party or whatever it is…" Nanjiroh said as he disappeared. 

"Does he always do that?" Kintaroh asked.

"Only on Wednesdays," Hiyoshi replied.

"Whack the frog!" Kintaroh shouted.

The kidnappees, who from this point on will be known as the newbies, shrugged and left with the so called teachers to get everyone together so they could celebrate Kikumaru's birthday.

Kikumaru got a lot of random things, such as pencils, joke books, cat stuffed animals, a spatula, a butter knife, a taiko drum, a cooler full of ice cream, and a wooden sword. He also got some things that made sense, like a large wooden cutting board.

Since the group was much too large to go to an expensive restaurant since Atobe refused to pay, the students cooked a bunch of food. And, it all tasted great! Except for Atobe's so called fried fish. It was charred to a crisp and no one dared to eat it, not even Atobe.

After the celebrations were over, which was about five hours later, the newbies were shoved into another random room, but this time the door was locked.

"Dang! Just when you think we're gonna fit in they throw you in a broom closet and lock the door!" Atobe shouted.

"I wanna get out of here…" Kintaroh sighed. He began twitching and walking around in circles muttering about ice cream and onigiri.

Fuji nearly fell over into a box. A few minutes later, he was stuck in a box.

"Saa, since when were boxes this dangerous? …Crap, I think I'm stuck," Fuji chuckled.

Meanwhile, Atobe had found a mirror and was making sure he looked good… but for what?

Kintaroh glance around the room nervously and spotted something.

"Heh, they left that open, what ever it is," he whispered. Kintaroh ran towards the open area and slammed into the glass wall with a tremendous thud.

"Whack the frog?! What was that?!" Atobe shouted.

Fuji poked Kintaroh, who had passed out after literally running into a wall.

"Saa, that must have hurt," he laughed.

"I wonder what he was thinking. This wall is _obviously_ glass. I mean, why would they lock us in a room with an escape route?" Atobe muttered. He walked towards the door to examine it again.

Just then, Ryoga opened the door with Atobe in front of it. It smacked him in the face obviously and he staggered back glaring. The noise made Fuji turn towards the door.

"Nice one! Maybe it will leave a mark." Fuji chuckled.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't realize there was anyone directly behind the door." Ryoga replied.

"Why?" Fuji asked.

"If I'd known I would swung it with more force." Ryoga replied evilly.

"Really? I think we're going to get along quite well," Fuji said equally evilly.

In separate places, Ryoma and Yuuta got chills.

"Anyway, I'm going to… Wait never mind. I was going to say 'I going to defeat you all and become the best chief ever,' but there's really no point at the moment seeing as you're the only person paying any attention." Ryoga sighed and walked away.

Fuji shrugged and went searching for a bed or two, one for him another for the two unconscious people.

_**Merry Christmas minna-san!!!! And happy New Year!**_

Ok, I pretty sure after a chapter or two I'll have to put this fic on a hiatus because I don't know what happens after episode 2, and I'll probably be too lazy to make stuff up. I'm terribly sorry. But no worries, the next chapters will be just as interesting as before. I'll try not to stray to far from the overall plot… Then again, maybe I will… We'll see.


	4. Course 4: Niou's Birthday

**Course 4: Niou's Birthday**

Over a week had passed from the newbies' first day at Delicious Gakuin. During the week, the newbies had been taken on tours of the campus and given a general feel of the school instead of taking classes.

Apparently, it was also Niou's birthday, but from the festiveness of the students you would think it was just a normal day. Nope, no one would ever suspect that the Trickster would be celebrating his birthday today. That's why Niou was currently pissed off.

"Well Gingles, it looks like everyone forgot it was my birthday today," Niou said as calmly as he could. He turned to glare at some unfortunate students and grinned evilly. Making a motion in their general direction, he muttered, "Doom."

Gingles shot forward and viscously attack the students before dashing back to Niou. This caused an uproar among the students, which cheered Niou up considerably since he wasn't getting in trouble.

"Niou-senpai, if you're bored you can always start cooking in the kitchen," Someone behind Niou pointed out.

"Oh, hello… Um…" Niou said cheerfully as he quickly turned around once Gingles was back on his shoulder.

"I'm Echizen Ryoga, remember?" Ryoga grumbled.

"Right… You're the somewhat new-guy who recently started settling, puri. So, how do you like it here, Ryoga-kun?" Niou said with false cheerfulness.

"I'm not a new guy!" Ryoga shouted.

"Yes, you are. Seeing as you got here just over a week, I have every right to call you a newbie, but that title is taken, see? So you're stuck with 'the new guy' as your nickname. Hey isn't that the signal to got to class? Better hurry or you'll be late!" Niou stated.

"Oi Niou-senpai, you'd better hurry. If you're late again, Sanada-senpai will slap you," Ryoma pointed out as he jogged past the two. He stopped when he spotted Ryoga. "Che, Ryoga, you'd better get to class too. See you guys later."

Niou shrugged and walked after him. He didn't care too much if he was late. He was sure Kikumaru was the teacher today, and he was pretty lenient towards late students.

Back with the newbies, Fuji and Atobe had head off to class like the good students they were, but Kintaroh had snuck away from them… and spotted an exit sign! He chuckled silently and tiptoed towards the 'exit,' but halfway there a bunch of arrows came out of nowhere and pinned him to the wall. Then, feather duster that also came out of nowhere started tickling him.

"Ha ha… Wh-what the heck is this? How do you stop these things?" Kintaroh laughed.

Fuji and Atobe had assembled in the front of their new classmates while the other first-years were in their seats waiting patiently for their introductions. Atobe snapped loudly, attracting everyone's attention.

"Ore-sama is Atobe Keigo. It's nice to meet you," Atobe said haughtily.

"Saa, I'm Fuji Syuusuke. I hope we don't become fr- I mean nice to meet ya," Fuji said amiably. Some of the first years got bad vibes from Fuji's introduction and decided to stay as far away from him as possible. At that point, Kikumaru walked angrily into the classroom, shoving Kintaroh in front of him. Kintaroh walked in front hesitantly and glared at Kikumaru after being shoved forward.

"And I don't wanna see you back there again! Nya? Moring Fuji! Have a nice day," Kikumaru said before frolicking off to teach his class, but he didn't really frolic at least not in front of the students. The students stared at Kintaroh, until Fuji nudged him and told him to introduce himself.

"I'm Kintaroh. And I wanna get out of this school! I miss playing tennis…" Kintaroh grumbled.

Some of the other students chuckled to themselves, but they quickly stopped and sat down in their seats. While the newbies looked around nervously, Sanada walked and Hiyoshi walked into the room. Sanada looked thoughtfully at the student, while Hiyoshi directed them to reassemble in kitchen 157.

The students walked out of the class and eventually everyone got to Kitchen 157. There, Hiyoshi instructed them to chop the onions so one of the higher up classes could use them in their soup project. The first-years grumbled a bit, but did as they were told.

Ryoga showed off by chopping his onion in an over dramatic fashion with some of the other students cheering him on or praising his skills.

Fuji glanced at his onion and grinned thoughtfully as he imagined all the dishes he could make with an onion (soup, rice, something with wasabi in it). With a shrug, he chopped his onion. _Who knows? They might let me make some wasabi-onion soup for dinner, _Fuji thought.

Atobe carefully cut his onion with his scissors; you know the ones in his impeccably white and fluffy fur coat. He was wearing one of those toxic waste suits over his coat because he feared making his eyes water even a little. Kintaroh on the other hand, had fallen asleep and ignored everyone as one by one the other first years finished. He would have slept longer, but his stomach rumbled, reminding him of how little they feed him the other night.

"Man… I'm so hungry. I wonder why they don't let us have breakfast," he whined sleepily to himself.

Sanada walked back and forth observing the students techniques. When he reached Atobe and Kintaroh, he grunted, "Hmm… What are they doing?"

Ryoga grinned and got the other students to hold Atobe. He struggled and shouted a lot so, Ryoga whispered something to Atobe, and he shut up immediately.

"Hey aren't you going to even try to chop your onion, Kintaroh-kun?" Hiyoshi sighed.

"I bet he's so bad at using a knife that he's scared of getting embarrassed," Ryoga chuckled.

"That doesn't make any sense," Atobe replied. The students holding him shoved Atobe against the wall hoping to shut him up again.

Kintaroh glared at Ryoga and mumbled, "I could chop the stupid onion if I wanted to, but I'm really hungry right now…"

"Oh yeah? Well here's an onion. Go ahead and chop it, if you can," Ryoga challenged. He held out an onion and smirked at Kintaroh. Instead of grabbing the onion and mincing it into microscopic pieces like he could have done, Kintaroh bit into the onion. Ryoga nearly dropped the onion right then, but Kintaroh grabbed it before Ryoga spazzed.

_This isn't nearly as good as onigiri, but I'm hungry,_ Kintaroh thought discontentedly. He shrugged and continued eating the onion. Ryoga and the other students, including Atobe, gave him weird looks.

Meanwhile, in tennis courts all over Japan junior high school teams wondered what happened to some of their teammates.

_**Seigaku**_

"Inui, do you have any theories on why Ryoma, Fuji, Kikumaru, Taka-san, and Momo are missing?" Oishi asked. They'd been missing practice for the past week and a half, which was when Tezuka decided to give the team a few days off.

"40 percent chance they've been abducted by some random people, 1 percent chance their skipping practice on purpose, 50 percent chance that whatever it is Ryuzaki-sensei is in on it and has decided to exclude us," Inui stated like the robot we all think he will create someday.

"What happened to the other 9 percent?" Oishi questioned.

"I don't know," Inui stated sadly. Oh the horror!

"Fssssssssssh… Maybe they're cooking stuff?" Kaidoh muttered.

Tezuka walked in and sighed. With all the missing regulars, practice was starting to seem really empty. Ryuzaki-sensei didn't seem to notice either, which only made matters worse. Tezuka wondered mildly what the world was coming to, but after several long moments he decided some things were best left alone.

_**Rikkaidai**_

"Yukimura, what the heck happened to the rest of the team?" Marui shouted.

The only regulars present were Yukimura, Jackal, Renji, and Marui. The four were trying to practice, but having only half the team present was ruining everyone's concentration, so Yukimura had ended practice early.

"Hmm… Even Sanada isn't here," Yukimura stated. He frowned a little but decided he would solve the problem by ordering Niou, Kirihara, Sanada, and Yagyuu to run 557 laps when they got back. It's not like they really had to train anymore though, after all the finals for the Nationals tournament were over.

"I think it's extremely likely all four of them have joined some sort of cooking club and are currently unable to leave," Renji stated.

"I think that theory is hilarious," Jackal replied.

"As Tezuka-san from Seigaku would say; Saa, yudan sezu ni ikou," Yukimura chuckled.

_**Hyotei**_

"Hey guys… Where'd Atobe and Oshitari go?" Mukahi asked as he walked into the clubroom.

"Sugee! They disappeared!" Jiroh exclaimed loudly and cheerfully.

Shishido glanced at Kabaji who stood there looking impassive. Choutaro glanced around the club as well.

"Hey guys, Hiyoshi isn't here either." He pointed out.

"Well… That's weird, aren't they normally here?" Mukahi exclaimed.

"Well, Atobe was a pretty annoying captain… And Hiyoshi didn't seem to know when to stop saying Gekokujyou," Shishido shrugged.

"But Yuushi is an important part of this team!" Mukahi insisted.

"He's got a point Shishido-san," Choutaro commented.

"Well Sakaki-sensei doesn't seem too worried so it should be ok," Shishido said nonchalantly.

"Unless he's in on whatever is happening!!!" Jiroh shouted. He'd woken up and had listened to the conversation silently because not many people notice him.

"What do you mean, Jiroh-senpai?" Choutaro asked.

"He's got a point… Two of the best members of our team haven't been at practice for the past several days and he doesn't so much as ask us where they are. Either he really doesn't care, which is impossible, or he knows where they are and knows not to worry…" Shishido said logically.

"Since when we're you so logical?" both Jiroh and Mukahi asked at the same time.

"Since our analyst, Oshitari, and Atobe left. Someone has to fill in the missing gap of knowledge, right?" Shishido stated.

"Are you saying I'm an idiot?" Mukahi asked calmly.

"Of course not… I'm not stupid enough to argue with you," Shishido snapped. He left the room to practice his Rising shot and some new move that he's been dieing to perfect, but never got the chance because Atobe or Hiyoshi would always start bothering when he tried.

"Let's go bother Sakaki-sensei!" Jiroh shouted.

"I don't think that's the best idea, Jiroh-senpai…" Choutaro said hesitantly.

But they followed Jiroh as he frolicked off the bother Sakaki anyway because they were _that_ bored.

_**Shitenhouji**_

"Hey guys… What happened to Bucho and Kin-chan?" Kenya asked.

The other regulars looked up from their various activities to stare blankly at him.

"You're right… They haven't been to practice fro the past week. What happened?" Zaizen commented

"I think they're sulking 'cause they both almost lost back during the nationals," Gin stated

Meanwhile Koharu kinda ignored the conversation, just because, and Yuuji deiced to be the Shishido of Shitenhouji and stated in similar words what Shishido said earlier.

_**Back at the Delicious Gakuin**_

The newbies were back it their room full of trick doors, glass walls, dangerous boxes, brooms, mirrors, and such. Kintaroh had decided to unveil his master plan to get all three of them out hopefully for good, but at least long enough for Atobe to get them a plane out of the country for a few weeks… or to get their tennis stuff.

As he discussed the plan, Ryoga had been walking by and had decided to eavesdrop cause he's an evil sta- I mean because he likes picking on the newbies that got him demoted to 'new guy,' not that newbie was any better.

"Alright I think I've found a way to escape here! I'm not sure if we can all make it but who wants to come with me?"

"Ore-sama doesn't like it here! Ore-sama wishes to play tennis."

"Saa, me too… But what's this about not everyone being able to 'make it'?"

"Aw, just come on. They left our door unlocked!" Kintaroh whined.

_Eh? Wasn't that Ryoga just now?_ Fuji wondered. Fuji shrugged and followed the other two out of the room. Who knows it might be a fun experience exploring the school. Then again if he got in trouble he could always say the other two forced him to come.

_**Oishii!**__**Delicious! Ah, Sugoi! Chapter end and…. Cut. That's a wrap.**_

Sorry for taking so long on this chapter. It's official though. After the next chapter, this fanfic is on hiatus until further notice. I'll try to put up fillers every now and then. Meanwhile other works will come and go. Don't expect updates for a long while on this one. And yes, this chapter takes place on Dec. 4th.


End file.
